The Hidden Agenda of Hope

Don't give up. Hang in there. Things will get better. Keep the Faith.

We say these things to make ourselves feel better. We share this when people are burdened and can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. We imply that it's sometimes hard to keep going, but that if we just have hope then things will get better. It doesn't make it any easier for them. It makes things easier for us as we watch them. We can pat ourselves on the back for trying to help. Job well done.

But sometimes we do need to give in, even if just for a little while. We need to pull back and reevaluate the path we have been taking. And sometimes we need to give up on that path entirely. What people don't realise is that sometimes this takes more strength to do than just keeping your head down and mulishly propelling yourself forward on a path that doesn't fit right anymore. For me, just lately, this is where I have found my greatest courage. It came through giving up and saying "this just isn't right anymore".

It doesn't mean that I have lost my faith. I still believe in the Gospel. I still have a connection to the Savior and my Father and Mother in Heaven. But that's exactly why I need the space right now. I had come to the point where I had lost a delicate but intrinsic connection to the Divine aspects of my life and instead I was letting the opinions of others come to the fore and get me down.

I'm a hippy at heart. I have a loving and trusting soul. Sometimes I forget that people don't necessarily feel things with the same intensity I do. When I say I love people, I don't just mean I enjoy their company in passing; I mean that my heart swells to think of them and likewise breaks when that love isn't returned. I'm sensitive and vulnerable. When I have a cause to champion, I give it all my passion, not being able to understand how others could be apathetic or even turned off completely.

I was created this way for a reason. And I know that I wasn't serving my highest purpose by continuing on the path I had chosen, where I was regularly being asked or told to change. Where people's opinions had come to matter to me so much that I would go home feeling beaten down and stifled instead of uplifted and strong.

So I'm going to work through these things and get back to the core of who I am and what the Gospel really means to me. For now that means a little space from the people, but not the central message of love and hope. I need to find out what my life really means to me and how I can be true to my higher self. It's a journey and an exciting one. But just because I'm giving up one path for now, it doesn't mean I am weak or that I am despairing. Don't tell me to hang in there, when what I was hanging on to was tantamount to a spiritual noose around my neck.

I'm still strong, I'm just on a different path right now.